For taka when she applies for her permanent resident status… i guess they request that you have some long standing friends or whatever provide such testimonials as another preventitive measure to people marrying just to get green cards and then mooch off our american benefits or whatever. ben kindly writes:

To Whom It May Concern:

Please accept this letter as a testimonial to the nature of the relationship between Kentaro and Takako. Kent is one of my best friends, and I can say emphatically that he’s truely in love with Takako. They met on the internet 2 weeks ago, and even though they’ve never seen each other in person and Takako barely speaks English, I’ve never seen Kent so happy. I thought the dowry of $20000 was a very nice wedding present from her family to him, and I’m particularly impressed with her in that she personally gave me $1500 to write this letter. In addition to that, I am sure of their mutual love as Takako has agreed to provide Kent with a $5000 monthly allowance- reminding him every month just exactly how much she truly loves him.

Kent’s love is unquestionable as he has already set up a separate room for Takako to sleep in when she arrives so they won’t disturb each other by sleeping in the same bed. This step is particularly thoughtful when considering the hideous birth defects that could potentially arise should Kent and Takako accidentally mate- the world doesn’t need anymore six fingered children and Kent is generous enough to know not to burden Takako with that disgrace.

Sincerely,
Benjamin Ackerman