last night i was watching a disturbing documentary on bbc america called my secret female body. the story followed the life of a girl that felt “trapped” in her body and decided she wanted to instead be a man. she began taking male hormones, which caused her to grow facial hair, get a deep voice and stop having a period. but she/he had big breasts that she had to tape down every time she went out. the hormones eventually brought her d-cups to b-cups, but that still wasn’t enough so she went to have a double mastectomy.

when she/he went for consultations, they blurred out her boobs, and after the surgery, they didn’t blur them out anymore. so that got me to thinking… when is a boob a boob? usually, on tv they can show all the cleavage, side, upper and under boob they want, as long as there’s no areola or nipple. but what about when a woman gets her breast tissue removed and still has a nipple, is that really no longer a boob? i mean because of the skin and swelling, they still looked like a-cups, and it’s still a female nipple, so how is that not still a regular, ole’ boob? either way it was disgusting, and for all practical intentions now just moobs, but clinically they were still boobs.

even worse, she/he now wants to get a penis installed. they make it out of pieces of your forearm. they didn’t get into too much detail about it since she/he will have to wait a few years for the psychiatric evaluations required to do this type of surgery, but the one point they glossed over that i was dying to know: will it work?

i was (by accident, i swear!) watching the tmz tv show yesterday and they were making fun of people with too much plastic surgery. meg ryan definitely looked the freakiest, but at least i could tell it was her. i barely even recognized this guy though. i know he was pretty lanky back in the day, and i’m all for the body building, but look at those shoulders, especially the right one, it’s pointy! tmz said they were probably implants which would be disgusting, although he’s otherwise pretty built, so maybe they’re real and he just has some strange musculature around there, or maybe was doing too much juice, used his shoulder as an injection site and got some wierd abscess. and what’s with the facelift, painted fingernails and makeup? freak! anyway, if i ever start looking like this, someone kick my ass.

speaking of plastic surgery and muscle implants, there’s apparently a procedure to get ripped abs without doing any of the work, although it costs between $4-7k. “abdominal etching” is pretty much just precision localized liposuction to suck out the fat inbetween the abs. this flabby dude looks totally disproportionate now though:

here’s the whole wsj.com article about ab etching via gizmodo.com

more like good riddance… it’d be funny if he ended up in gay heaven, hell i wouldn’t be surprised if he was gay and all his hate was just an attempt to mask it. like that dad in american beauty.

here’s some funny quotes:

Homosexuality is Satan’s diabolical attack upon the family that will not only have a corrupting influence upon our next generation, but it will also bring down the wrath of God upon America.

I believe that global warming is a myth. And so, therefore, I have no conscience problems at all and I’m going to buy a Suburban next time.

If you’re not a born-again Christian, you’re a failure as a human being.

here’s a whole bunch of the nut’s quotes:

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/j/jerry_falwell.html 

since the rosarito ride last weekend, i’ve gone on a hard leaning cycle. i’m keeping the weight lifting intensity the same, taking weight loss supplements, slightly increasing protein intake, and overall reducing calories. in less than a month, we’ll be out on the boat, and i need to get some cleaner definition, particularly around the waist.

so yesterday i stopped by the gym on my way home from work to do a quick cardio session. i was waiting for an elyptical machine and one opened up to this big, strong black dude who was already sweating pretty hard. i started my workout and glanced at his numbers and he’d already burned 100 calories and was working at a pretty intense level. i warmed up for about a minute, and proceeded to try to pass his calories burned before my 25 minutes were up. about 5 minutes into my stupid one sided competition, he realized what i was trying to do, and gave me a “oh no you won’t” kinda look and stepped up his pace. every time i would increase my intensity level, he would do the same making it more and more difficult to gain ground. the two of us were seriously working out twice as hard as anyone else on the machines. anyway, i finally caught him at 23 minutes, and we both turned our intensity all the way down as soon as i did. he gave me a hostile/approving look and after a couple minutes of cooldown we parted ways, having never said a word to each other, but communicating plenty through facial expressions in the mirror.

so in the 25 minutes that i worked out, i burned 419 calories, with my heart rate at 201 for about 15 minutes straight. crazy numbers for my weight/age.

oh man, was he great last night or what? we went out to dinner so we got home just after the show had ended and the voting had opened. i took a quick peek at votefortheworst.com to see what his call in number was, and proceeded to vote for him as we watched the recorded show and then house. i didn’t count, but based on the 5 calls on average i can make per minute and the 2 hours that the voting is open, that’s around 600 votes.

while he was dressed more like a pirate than a country singer, he’s still my favorite. i have a sinking feeling he might be in the bottom 3 tonite. i guess it’ll be a true show of how much support he actually has.

ben’s joke is sounding more and more like the truth. the entire phone support staff of india must be calling in and voting for him.

from: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/4748292.stm

A Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his “wife”, after he was caught having sex with the animal.

The goat’s owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders.

They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to Mr Alifi.

“We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together,” Mr Alifi said.

Mr Alifi, Hai Malakal in Upper Nile State, told the Juba Post newspaper that he heard a loud noise around midnight on 13 February and immediately rushed outside to find Mr Tombe with his goat.

“When I asked him: ‘What are you doing there?’, he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up”.

Mr Alifi then called elders to decide how to deal with the case.

“They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife,” Mr Alifi told the newspaper.

i made an mp3 cd (my car plays ‘em) with Billboard’s top 100 songs of 1994-1998, the years i went to highschool. it’s insane the emotions these songs drive through me, especially when they’re played back to back. some of these songs bring back memories i’ve completely forgot about.

some of my favorites from 1995:
notorious big - big pappa
soul for real - every little thing i do
boyz II men - water runs dry
sophie hawkins - as i lay me down
better than ezra - good
collective soul - december
take that - back for good
tlc - creep
luniz - i got 5 on it
coolio - gangstas paradise
seal - a kiss from a rose

i remember almost every one of the 400 songs. good stuffs.

it’s been on myspace for a while, but i know a lot of you cats don’t do that. actually, maybe i’m just talking to shali and takako, but anyway, it’s even funnier now in contrast to the pic a couple posts below:

ah elementary school. that’s my trendy ass in the top left corner, the chubby girl next to me was kristen and her father was a congressman or something. maggie to her left was one of my first crushes ever. natice next to her sent me this picture and was my body guard. kirk in the corner opposite me used to be one of my best friends. second row, from left to right: kenya, whom i used to make fun of for having parents who were both blind. jason, who ben would fight daily. horatio sanz, who went on to become a successful comedian. i don’t remember the blonde kid’s real name, but i called him ’small fry’ since everything is relative. next to him, mellissa whom i remember once kissed a girl and it really confused me. that red-head kid was max, who was good at soccer. third row from left to right: my good friend kenny who got me into cycling. lara who i had a crush on and her parents were rich podiatrists and ended up moving to northern california to start an ostrich farm. tandy, who’s father managed the local mcdonalds and would always hook us up… and skinny, freckly, ben… oh man, how we’ve all growns up ;)

14 lines about 14 friends